Monday, 13 June 2011

You are fat because youre stupid!

What this site is about:
I have put together a no holds barred, blunt statement about body fat. If you are overweight, you can do two things: 1) Be offended, hit the back button now, and go cry and eat ice cream like a pathetic fatty, or 2) Read on, get smart, and lose weight.

Not scared? Well then, read on... Please note: I am not selling anything on this site.

Fat woman with belly hanging out of her dress

You're fat because you eat too much

Let's just start with that. If you're fat, you're eating too much damn food. Period. It's not your paren't fault for giving you the "fat" gene. It may be their fault that they made you like food so much, but for once in your fat life let's stop blaming other people, OK?
But I can hear you whining already, like you always do. You don't *really* eat much, right? You might even go so far as to say "But, I only eat salad". Yes, I've heard that before. SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU FAT LIAR!! Guess what, "salad" didn't come inside those Big Mac wrappers in your back seat. All 25 of them. You fucking lying piece of shit, you eat a salad in front of everyone when you go out to lunch and act like you're eating healthy then you go home and down a quart of ice cream after your fried chicken.
If this relationship is going to work, you need to be truthful to not only me, but yourself. Look in the mirror right now and say, "I am a big fatbody because I eat too much damn food." There. Now we can move on.

You're fat because you want to be

Yes, you want to be fat. If I woke up tomorrow suddently as fat as you, what do you think my reaction would be? Do you think I would say "Aww, wahh I'm fat, I sure wish I could lose weight" and then go eat three Big Macs and a diet Coke? You bet your fat ass I wouldn't, I would be working like hell to get rid of the disgusting fat. I guarantee you that if through some weird science experiment my brain was placed in your fat fucking body I would be fit and running a marathon within a year.
But you, no, you're doing nothing, are you? Your "salad" for lunch and diet Coke with your fried chicken is all for show. They require no effort. Yet you want credit for it, don't you? And you want people to think "Well damn, that fat fucker must be fat because of their unfortunate genes, I saw them drink Diet Coke yet they're still fat!! That's too bad." But nobody thinks that, everyone knows why you've got more rolls than a sushi restaurant.

The slim people around you didn't get "lucky"

This is actually something I find extremely offensive, when fat people chide me for watching my diet. "Oh, you don't have to worry about your weight!" they'll say to me if I turn down sweets or extra portions. Guess what you fucking fatty, I'm not fat BECAUSE I "worry about my weight". I ran 20 miles this week. I made a healthy lunch and brought it to work every day. What did you do? Oh, you sat on your ass and stuffed your mouth full of food, that's right. And then you have the nerve to tell me that I'm fit because I got lucky.
When my bodyfat percent goes up a couple percentage points I adjust my diet. That way I always stay where I want to be. It's like balancing your checkbook. If you just write checks willy nilly you're going to overdraw your account. You're doing the same thing by paying no attention to how much weight you're packing on while eating whatever you want. Don't fuck yourself up by your own doing then discount my own hard work. It's insulting.

You're fat because you don't exercise

Yes, the human body was meant to move. Sitting on your ass all day isn't helping matters. Don't give me any crap about "But! I don't want to kill myself at the gym!" Oh I see. Would you like to go hiking? Biking? Skiing? Play sports? Or would that kill you too? If so, you're going to die on the couch. Living life like our bodies intended isn't making the rest of us fall down and croak.
ThighMaster product image

You're fat because you want a shortcut

Did you ever buy any "workout" equipment advertised on late night TV? How about miracle diet pills? Got a ThighMaster in your closet? Or some stupid little gizmo that's supposed to help you do crunches and tone your abs? You do? You know why you have that? Because you're a FUCKING idiot, that's why!!!
Because you're afraid of hard work and actual self-dicipline, you tried the easy way out, and made someone else richer because of it. None of that crap works, but it's easy to sell. Why? Because stupid people buy that shit. And who are they marketing to? Fat asses. And why are they fat asses? Because they're stupid. Case closed. You fatties buy the stupidest stuff, your heads must be shoved deep inside your fat asses. Stop buying stupid shit!!!

It's not your thyroid

Do you know how many fat people have a thyroid problem? Less than 1%. Unless you've gone to the doctor and he told you that you have a thyroid problem then the problem is not your thyroid, it's your hands shoveling food into your fat fucking mouth, that's what the problem is.
If the problem is your thyroid, then your doctor will treat it and it will no longer be an excuse anyway.
X-Ray Image of a fat and skinny person

You are NOT "Big Boned"

Are you fucking kidding me? Is there some relationship between the bones inside your body and the fat rolls on the outside? No there isn't. The fact that I can't tell where your neck ends and your face begins is because of fat, not "big bones". You don't have bones over your abdomen, you have fat rolls. Seriously, can you even feel any of your bones?
Look at the xray pictures on the right. Does the fat person have big bones? No, they fucking don't. They have fat. I've even heard some fatties say they have "thick skin". Are you really that stupid? Skin isn't three inches thick.
Oh wait, your argument is that your "big frame" naturally has large muscles on top of those big bones, so you'll never be able to be as thin as those "rail thin models", right? This is an interesting mental problem with fatties. "If I can't be *that* thin, I'll just be REALLY fat instead!!" Does that make any fucking sense at all??
Guess what, no matter how much lean body mass you have, you'll still look good without fat covering it. Even if you really do have more bone and muscle, it in no way causes you to carry more fat. If this were true bodybuilding would be impossible because all those men and women (many of them "big boned", as those people can build more muscle mass) would be big fatasses.

You don't have "curves"

"I have curves!" No, you fucking don't!! Fat rolls do not equal "curves". A woman with curves has nice lines that taper down to a slim waist, hips that curve out nicely and shapely legs. Just because you have a big wide ass doesn't mean you have "curves", especially if you look like the Michelin Man. If your gut is hanging over your belt, that's not a "curve", that's disgusting.

So, now that we've got that out of the way, what do you do about it?


  1. ROTFLMAO!! GFF! How hilarious yet soo true!

  2. I know- hitting the nail on the head! minus the curse words offcourse!

  3. *DEAD* ->Lord this is funny and true.